Monday, July 6, 2009

Degausser: Part Three

My brother, Manuel Espiritu: past and present, focus and recreation, real and super-fiction, hero and destroyer.

Degaussing is the process of decreasing or eliminating an unwanted magnetic field.

Manuel, Noel, my brother, is probably one of my favorite people in the world. Despite the fact that some of him is still shrouded in mystery, even to me, his brother. I can say that I enjoy talking to him about certain things. We share a very similar sense of humor, which I can't really define (if I want to meet this deadline). He is an excellent gamer (whether or not it's just because he has so much time on his hands is a result we'll have to wait for). He knows his math. He knows his computers (mostly). And he's a good kid.

Although, for all the positive things I can say about him, I can match it with some negativeness. Not that I wan't to create a world-wide insult to my brother in this post. No. It's ceratin negative aspects to his personality that make me worry about how he will do in the Southwest.

He can be mean sometimes. He yells sometimes, when it's not necessary. He has a hard time letting people in.

He really does mean well by his actions. I've never witnessed him willingly do anything malicious. Maybe he plays a little rough, but no one really knows their own strength until they use it. He's a good brother to me and Jonar, however, I can't help but think that there's something to source this to. It could be hereditary. I'm not privy to expressing myself all the time, and I may not be the best person to talk to about advice. My dad is also a mostly silent person. I don't know if this is by choice. Do all Espiritu men have a dominant timid attribute?

Anyway, when we were little, I can remember playing LEGOs with Noel almost everyday. We also had quite the admirable Power Ranger toy collection that we didn't treat as collectibles. Noel and I were pretty much best friends at home. Maybe sometimes we would play too rough, and he would get hurt. Or I would get mad at him and he'd cry, but we were really close. We still are in many ways.

I just want to know where that little kid went.

Is it bad that I can't remember when exactly he became a moody teenager?

I don't think of him anyless now that he's eighteen-years old. I think of him even higher now that he's approaching the functionality of a fully-developed human. Let's rewind.

If I recall correctly, it was around summer 2003 that I got my own room in the attic of our house on 81 Carlton Ave. From my understanding, my mother, or both my parents, decided that I should get my own room so my friends and I wouldn't always take up space and be noisy in the living room. I remember it being summer 2003 specifically, because all of my friends were heavy in Halo 2 for Xbox. Maybe we were inappropriate while we were shooting our artificial super-soldier avatars on the living room television. I mean, I was sixteen at the time with my brothers being twelve and three-years old respectively. Those aren't usual age gaps, though not impossible.

When I contemplate when Noel became the way he is, I often reminisce to the first few months I moved into the attic. Maybe even before I moved into the attic, too. Before the transferring, Noel and I shared a room together. It was never a problem. We never really fought over space or anything stupid like that. We still played with LEGOs at that time just like we played with toys and video games together.

Now, this backstory isn't some eerie desire to bring back pre-adolescent Noel. I appreciate him for what he is. He's human and humans change all the time. Humans are complex creatures, and they are all different, even if two people are different by one small detail. Anyway.

I support my brother in nearly everything he does. I don't support his late-night raids on whatever cloud game he's on now. I'd prefer he'd knock out at 2am, but that's not how it happens.

I usually knock out at 2am.

Noel wishes to persue a career in the video games industry. Great inspirations for him are nearly all the games he plays, console and cloud. As a creative person, I support him in any way I can. I want him to succeed just as much as I want Robert Jason Clark's script to get picked up or Stephanie Herrera to get a job at Blue Sky (or something).

Sometimes, I just wish he'd show more enthusiasm or effort to try and get there.

That's essentially my main concern for Noel in Arizona. I want him to do well, but it's not going to happen if he continues on like this.

I want him to be more social. The video game industry isn't usually a priority target for most young people, and rightfully so. The video game industry is nearly as dangerous a course for a career as the comic book industry (which is where I'm headed).

The only reason I'm being so critical here is because I love him and I want him to do well, but not by my mother's methods of what I think is "negative conditioning". It's difficult to explain.

I can explain the imagery I provided and the reason for the title.

The title, Degausser, is how I defined it above: the process of decreasing or eliminating an unwanted magnetic field. I guess one could compare magnetic fields to personal space or language barriers of any sort. Noel has an incredible magnetic field; he's aware of it, and that's okay. It's a start. My magnetic field used to be as thick as his. Hopefully his will develop the way mine did.

The imagery, I won't explain. A sudden change of heart. It isn't too complex, but I guess that's because I ran out of time.

My brother, Noel, is one of my favorite people. For more reasons than one, I hope he knows how important he is to me and my whole family. He may have started to feel neglected since our youngest brother was born, but that isn't the truth. No one brother is more important than the other. Both Jonar's and Noel's absence will bring me heartache. However, there shouldn't be any reason for them to be living in a different place every year. Whether or not they call the house on Sunset Drive home, I want them to be happy to live in a house that is handsome, dependable, and most importantly, air conditioned.

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