Christopher Jonar Espiritu in the Cave of Dreams.
I want to thank everyone who took time to read the blog the last few days, even though no one's really reading the blog. They're reading the posts through Facebook. I guess that kind of spreads the word and brings traffic. Either way, everyone's comments were read and this whole experience is helping me deal with this transition greatly.
When I first met Jonar, he wrapped in blankets the way you would wrap yourself on a winter night and your feet aren't tucked in with the rest of your body. Except, of course, he was six times smaller than I was. Or something. I was thirteen.
It's a completely different feeling watching someone grow up (Jonar), in comparison to growing up with someone (Noel). It's like watching a movie, or some other similar experience. There are ups and downs, and maybe sometimes it can be annoying. I don't know what I'm saying. I know that it is a wonderful experience watching someone grow.
We see this happen with people we get to see every week, or at least more than once a year. People we work with, people we go to school with, and people we live with.
The first time I met Jonar (outside of the womb), other than thinking about how great it was to have another younger brother, I was thinking of how great it would be to play the big brother role for someone thirteen years younger than me. Although, it wasn't bound to be the most carefree role, I looked forward to it, eagerly.
I still look forward to him growing. I'm not going to be there though.
That's probably the main problem I have about Jonar moving to Arizona. While, I don't doubt he will miss living in New Jersey, his friends, and me, I doubt that he will be as attatched to New Jersey and most of friends as Noel is. My mother tells me that Jonar wants to go to high school in New Jersey, but he has four more years of grade school to get accustomed to living in Arizona.
Realistically, Jonar going to high school in Arizona wouldn't be a considerable problem for me. Mostly since I have a pretty good knowledge of the high schools in Jersey City and most of Hudson County. I have a pretty good hunch that the high schools around Maricopa, AZ, are considerably more suitable for any person.
Anyway. I have an abundance of memories with Jonar dating since March 1, 2000 until now, and not one of them has been a waste. Favorites have to be from the times I decided to take him to parks or to the movies on my own accord. It was then that I really had some true interactions with him and tried to see what he liked and didn't like. I tried to see him as more of a person than just a kid, and that's how I treated him most of the time. Except for content-sensitive content in different media that I considered inappropriate. For example, Left 4 Dead's emphasis on teamwork and survival over Call of Duty 4's emphasis on competitive target practice. I understand that these two games are M-rated, but I also know about over protection like my parents did. (Though, letting me watch Charles Bronson movies and kung fu movies as a child is questionable). I talked to him like a person, not a pet; and I tried to make sure he protected form certain elements, but not completely removed from them.
In many ways, I'm not really going to be leaving my brothers at all. With all the advancement in technology, I won't have to wait for snail mail or telegraphs, or worry about long-distance charges. The only thing that I will be missing out on is their day to day experiences, which I miss out on anyway.
Because, as much as I would like to, I can't be in two places at once.
I just never want Jonar to be sad that I'm not there with him.