Saturday, July 4, 2009

Not related to "Awaken".

If I'm going to blog about something important, something that will create a monumental difference in the way I live, then---I don't know.

Keith Chiappone has an excellent blog, in which, in a novel-like manner, lets out everything that happened throughout the day. (Quotations and everything.) Or, at least, the interesting things.

Most of the time, anyway.

I used to be a hardcore blogger during 2001-2005. They were pretty much your average high school blog. You could say I tried to make it interesting, but my high school years didn't really amount to much, and I'm largely unsatisfied with my decisions. Anyway.

The point, and the reason for actually typing in this blog, as opposed to just throwing pictures up, is that I don't really know how I should go about saying anything about anything this important like this, but I want to.

As some of you know, my family is moving to Arizona, while I remain in New Jersey. The approaching week will be their last as New Jersey residents and the last week we will be a... family in its truest form. Don't get me wrong. We won't stop being a family unit. It's just a big change. It's a change I've had at least three years to prepare for, but I'm still not ready for it.

Realistically, I think I'm prepared for whatever challenges and sacrifices that come with leaving the nest, or in this case, the nest leaving you. What will be more difficult, for me, and my family, I think, will be the separation. With the world shrinking every day by advancements in communications technology, ideally, the separation won't be a problem.

Also, if you know me and you know my family, you know we have communication problems to begin with. I wouldn't call it "dysfunctional". I'd call it "non-functional". It's a problem we have, and it's a problem that I have no idea where or when it stems from.

So, you wonder, "What's the problem? You're not really losing anything, are you?"

That's kind of the reason isn't it? Instead of trying to understand or trying to fix my family, I'm just letting them slip away.

The same thing happened when we lost our house. Which is kind of why this crisis, or transition, is happening. Anyway, we took advantage of our house and everything that comes with owning and living in one. For the past three years, we've lived in at least five different apartments all over the Jersey City Heights. Trying to fit a five-person family in a one or two-bedroom apartment isn't the easiest thing to do. Especially if that family still has a lot of stuff since moving from a house.

I'm kind of going on tangents all over the place. Let's get back on track.

I feel like I've thought and blogged about this situation many times on different websites, but the feeling is always nagging at me. Am I being selfish by choosing to stay? Is this the right decision? What does the rest of my family think? These questions don't make me change my mind about my decision. The questions make me wish there was another way. The questions don't change anything.

I'm (kind of) losing my family.

So, with that said, after many sessions of digression, for the next five days, I will be posting "tributes" to each member of my family, starting with my mother and ending with my dad.

It fits, since there are only six whole days until they get on a plane for Phoenix.

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